tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-273406822011-09-17T04:50:55.257-07:00exploring the beauty and the tedium of parentingAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.comBlogger3291100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-79191664045559343862011-06-15T12:10:00.000-07:002011-06-15T12:38:56.078-07:00

I have written about very little of our time in Ethiopia. I hope someday I find the wherewithal to do it. But until then I will write this. A dear friend is leaving soon for her first trip where she and her husband will meet their sons for the first time and I started thinking about our trip home with Yonas. He was 21 months old, scared and pissed off. Here are my best two tips for surviving the

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-24314585945933310782011-05-04T17:26:00.000-07:002011-05-04T17:31:58.005-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-48247464919554270042011-04-25T10:25:00.000-07:002011-04-25T14:01:11.762-07:00

A few weeks ago I began to feel this unsettling restlessness in my soul. I'm prone to bouts of restlessness, (if you're familiar with the Enneagram, I'm a Four--the Kings and Queens of restless energy). But this was restlessness with a little despair and fury thrown in for good measure. And a little of these: missing my youth, wondering what's next, looking back at my life and contemplating if

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-74104863900120644432011-04-12T14:29:00.000-07:002011-04-12T14:38:07.083-07:00

Wild Geese You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-74205887762258824492011-03-21T10:49:00.001-07:002011-03-22T15:35:09.802-07:00

Well. It's a been a while. I think there's a 75% chance that this post won't get published but I'm going to let go of that notion for now and keep typing and see what happens. It's been so long now that I can't imagine anyone could care much about what I might write here anyway.You know I'd forgotten that I started Mindful Monday posts until I went over to Rebekah's blog and saw that she's still

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-10116118871012142962010-11-30T15:25:00.001-08:002010-11-30T15:27:51.714-08:00

Let the laundry begin.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-31085041416779696662010-11-17T19:24:00.000-08:002010-11-17T19:27:41.718-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-82718847566986161512010-11-16T14:57:00.000-08:002010-11-16T19:18:00.698-08:00

That's how many words I've written since November 1st for NaNoWrimo. I'm half-way through. Up until a couple of days ago, I'd maintained a self-congratulatory two day cushion, but it's gone now. Here's something interesting about taking a lot of time from your regularly scheduled life to do something you love, something that moves you, even if it's very silly and shouldn't be taken very seriously

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-67469513168669090862010-10-27T10:09:00.000-07:002010-10-27T10:12:24.109-07:00

but I like this one.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-64739717712446978742010-10-18T14:56:00.000-07:002010-10-18T18:10:43.100-07:00

Okay. So it's been awhile. I could offer up some reasonable excuses for my absence like: I began homeschooling my two oldest while trying to keep my two youngest happy. Or an autoimmune disease that has been kicking my butt for the past month. I could blame it on out of town guests, children with colds, Yonas kicking his tantrums into super-ultra high gear, hormones, or pure exhaustion.I could

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-20304812432247340812010-09-05T07:36:00.000-07:002010-09-06T04:31:45.573-07:00

This past week, the week we officially began homeschooling, coincided with Yonas getting sick for the first time since he's been home. Just you're average cold, nothing too awful. But man, oh man, it triggered something in my boy. He regressed to where we were at about the two-months-home mark. A screaming, tantruming, rabid mess. He started using Amharic words he hasn't used in four months.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-84976283199730659652010-08-23T17:55:00.000-07:002010-08-23T18:23:28.031-07:00

It's official. We are going to homeschool. Yesterday many of my favorite people gathered to swim and play and celebrate the beginning of a new school year at our old school. But we didn't. Tonight many of my favorite people will gather to go to the orientation of the school that has been our community, our home, for three years. Making the decision to homeschool was not easy, not without doubt,

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-47738290281033893412010-08-19T11:22:00.000-07:002010-08-19T12:09:58.509-07:00

Yonas has been home six months today. When I look back at how far we've all come as individuals, as a family, I am amazed. And proud. I will not write a long post today, nor will we celebrate in an external way. But I will celebrate quietly and internally. Today I celebrate:Ava, and her ability to help and love and tolerate Yonas. Her siblings adore and idolize her with good reason. She is a

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-73179931620931221232010-08-11T11:05:00.000-07:002010-08-12T05:10:17.318-07:00

I was going to title this post: "Fodder to Get Us Off Our Asses", but it wasn't very romantic and I like the romantic notion of Providence. Maybe you're already off your ass and don't need this quote. And you can call it Providence or God or Karma or Inspiration or your Muse or Being Aligned with the Universe. Call it what you want, but when we make a commitment, something akin to magic happens.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-30281219041255178442010-08-11T11:00:00.000-07:002010-08-11T11:05:15.962-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-23858873018084075932010-08-09T10:39:00.000-07:002010-08-10T05:27:25.202-07:00

When I was in my early 20's I wrote "Nulla dies sine linea" on the inside cover page of every new writing notebook: "Resistance always has meaning". Then I made a true effort to Become a Writer in my mid-20's. At least, in my mind it was a true effort. It certainly felt like one at the time, and I received enough rejection letters to prove I'd made a bit of effort. Then I stopped writing. And I

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-54765881213321969232010-07-11T11:29:00.000-07:002010-07-12T05:40:05.242-07:00

I thought I'd try my hand at this blogging thing and see how she flies. Many things have conspired to make maintaining this log of my life hard right now. Health issues, a continuing bit of Post-Adoption Depression (mild and nebulous, but there nonetheless), summertime, and being the mama to my four lovelies (and especially my two youngest that have been particularly, um...spirited lately), have

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-72804515076346315792010-06-25T15:48:00.000-07:002010-06-25T16:06:00.084-07:00

When you ask Yonas a question, almost any question, he answers "Yeah." This is fun.The girls like to ask him things like,"Yonas, are you going to the moon today?" "Yeah.""Are you going to meet an alien there?""Yeah."I like to ask him things like,"Am I the best mom in the whole wide world?""Do I look awesome in this bikini?"And my favorite,"Should I have a gin and tonic?"It's good fun and gets me

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-28358579494017824762010-06-10T16:47:00.000-07:002010-06-10T17:53:26.266-07:00

As I was changing Yonas' diaper to get him ready for bed, I saw his face look up at mine and I was stopped in my tracks. My heart on pause, my eyes on his. I felt such a profound sense of loss for his Ethiopian parents. They don't get to change his diaper. Or get chatted up about how funny the dog is. They don't get to see his goofy faces, feel his sweet kisses, watch his life expand and unfold.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-47263263157109769552010-05-27T11:12:00.000-07:002010-05-27T12:03:53.978-07:00

I can now state with much gratitude and humility that we have moved from Faking It to making it. I'm not sure one is ever "made" when it comes to parenting. It's a lot like a marriage that way, you never stop working if you want it to work. And I would be remiss if I didn't state that I still have days when I struggle to open my heart the way I wish I could. But that isn't about Yonas. I have

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-80913258010709475522010-05-12T15:23:00.000-07:002010-05-12T15:26:29.224-07:00

I ran up four flights of stairs to catch this sky. It was gone just moments later.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-32232992807939022892010-05-11T13:24:00.000-07:002010-05-11T17:48:55.405-07:00

I feel like I let you guys down when I don't feel inspired enough to write a Mindful Monday post. I feel like I let myself down too. Shortly after we got home from Ethiopia, I signed up for two online classes. I've been around the post-new child block enough times to know how easy it is to lose yourself in new motherhood; the exhaustion, the feeling like you're treading water in the middle of the

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-27912623678626783182010-05-06T10:38:00.001-07:002010-05-06T11:28:12.974-07:00

She has been since the day we left for Ethiopia. Something about having a new toddler around has kept me from getting some things done. Like birthday dress pictures. Every year the girls wear an old dress of mine on their birthday and I take pictures of them. I can't believe I've been taking Ava's picture in this dress for eight years. These (and Safa's) were taken about a month ago. Since

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-89954924131057599502010-05-03T17:42:00.000-07:002010-05-03T18:00:37.966-07:00

I like to live my life with a sense of magic always intact. Always believing in the veil. Always waiting for the beautiful, rare moments when it is lifted for my heart and eyes and the expanse and beauty of life unfolds before me. But it feels gone right now. And so I think of this poem and try to remember...Things To ThinkThink in ways you've never thought before.If the phone rings, think of it

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-79501083335610094982010-04-29T07:57:00.000-07:002010-04-29T09:57:00.050-07:00

I read through my last post and realized I was too vague. The post wasn't about being Yonas' mama specifically or even being a mama generally. Although of course when I'm having a crisis of any kind it does affect the relationships with the people in my life, including my children.The last post was really just me trying to convey that Yonas is serving as a reminder to me to open up, to live in

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-32001057213034544172010-04-26T14:02:00.000-07:002010-04-26T14:33:52.895-07:00

Wouldn't it be amazing if we adults could show our true selves like toddlers do? They lay their emotional cards on the table, no bullshit, and say here I am. Take it or leave it. If a toddler is mad, you know it. If they are happy, you know it. I'm not saying they aren't multi-layered, complicated beasts. They are. And even though you can't always know what's behind their actions, you usually

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-53976235093827193682010-04-21T14:25:00.000-07:002010-04-21T14:37:05.132-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-34802320763959411282010-04-12T12:00:00.000-07:002010-04-12T12:04:16.278-07:00

"I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops."~Stephen Jay Gould

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-29408888975896382952010-04-08T07:28:00.000-07:002010-04-15T07:49:28.944-07:00

From the One Day Without Shoes website:"In some developing nations, children must walk for miles to school, clean water and to seek medical help.Cuts and sores on feet can lead to serious infection.Often, children cannot attend school barefoot.In Ethiopia, approximately one million people are suffering from Podoconiosis, a debilitating and disfiguring disease caused by walking barefoot in

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-12641735067498079112010-04-07T13:42:00.000-07:002010-04-07T13:44:44.092-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-29658199158034750932010-04-05T17:43:00.000-07:002010-04-14T11:53:19.040-07:00

I thought I'd sit down to write a Mindful Monday post, since it had been so long since the last one. The problem is I have no idea what to write about. I'm flying by the seat of my pants. I'm doing a lot of that lately. My plan is to just see what comes...If my children are my best mindfulness teachers, (and let's face it, nothing brings you face to face with all your Stuff and forces you to hang

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-46237747118770819342010-04-02T10:49:00.000-07:002010-04-14T11:53:19.041-07:00

(last week) (in Ethiopia)We've been home with Yonas six weeks today. In that time, we've had lice, pneumonia, fierce tantrums, food issues, screaming, crying, fights, lost sleep, homework, laundry, and colds. We've also had a birthday, dancing,

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-50252904971776353852010-03-31T16:09:00.000-07:002010-03-31T16:17:21.268-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-38124833280500698672010-03-25T11:43:00.000-07:002010-03-25T17:03:01.197-07:00

Our trip to Ethiopia is settling in my soul. I knew it would take awhile. As you might imagine, I haven't had just a ton of time to devote to processing our trip, so I've just had to let it quietly roll over me without working very hard at it. And over the past five weeks Ethiopia has found its way into the deepest places of who I am. I'm not finished. In fact, I'm not sure I will ever be

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-18810019687371158502010-03-18T16:34:00.000-07:002010-03-18T16:37:49.953-07:00

lots of children roaming the backyard in various stages of undress. Heaven.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-73291789702343006482010-03-14T10:50:00.000-07:002010-04-14T11:53:19.041-07:00

I've been absent from the cyber-world because I got pneumonia. Coughing-so-hard-you-throw-up, in-bed-for-days, just-take-me-out-back-and-shoot-me, pneumonia. I was able to avoid the hospital by visits to the Austin Infusion Center for breathing treatments and IV fluids and antibiotics. I'm now doing much better and taking the oral version at home. This antibiotic is one commonly used for

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-72201284895365214152010-03-04T10:18:00.001-08:002010-04-14T11:53:19.042-07:00

Last week, when I was ready to head for Belize or Costa Rica, (somewhere warm with beaches, I hadn't worked out the details), I kept analyzing where I was emotionally and asking myself, "What happened? What went wrong?"But the very simple answer is this: Nothing went wrong. It just went.I do know some things that made it harder. We were matched with Yonas on March 31st, 2009. We waited almost a

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-40555428533777364892010-02-27T12:30:00.000-08:002010-02-27T15:47:51.798-08:00

I can see it. I can see our potential as a family. I think he has planted the tiniest seed of trust in his heart. This makes all our lives easier.He enjoyed playing with his sisters for a while this morning.For the first time in the two weeks we have known him, he ate a meal without it ending in a rage.We are seeing more frequently a goofy side to this often serious boy. I am worried about Erik

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-25546492053689103432010-02-25T17:40:00.000-08:002010-02-25T18:11:39.659-08:00

Yesterday my youngest daughter, Safa, turned 4. It was not the sort of birthday you envision for your child. Yesterday morning Yonas tantrumed three times when I sat down while holding him. His body literally did not shift its position on mine. I just lowered myself to the floor and it was too much for him to bear. Which in turn was too much for Safa to bear. We had an awful morning. We all

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-20649876800016225312010-02-23T18:41:00.000-08:002010-02-23T18:45:52.337-08:00

I am humbled and comforted by the comments left here.Thank you.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-89632284457903982302010-02-22T17:54:00.001-08:002010-04-14T11:53:19.042-07:00

How I would love to be able to post a glowing report of our first few days home. I really would. I would love to be able to match the joy our friends have shown, their love and enthusiasm.But I'm struggling. Erik is having a hard time. The girls want to love this brother they have waited for, but he's not making it easy. He's a tantruming, unpredictable mess. And rightly so. But just because he's

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com44tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-74842876056242001572010-02-21T12:49:00.000-08:002010-02-21T12:59:02.563-08:00

This is at the airport upon arrival, after 33 hours of travel. Erik and I were so exhausted, we were hallucinating on the last leg of trip. Eden's hand looks scary because it got crushed in a restaurant bathroom door, but she is fine. More soon...

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-26381686534892295162010-02-09T19:09:00.001-08:002010-02-09T19:14:38.335-08:00

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-62237554619906166842010-02-08T17:26:00.001-08:002010-02-09T08:06:33.254-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-84859861830455345952010-02-08T15:19:00.001-08:002010-02-08T15:22:03.994-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-3385519201095440562010-02-07T19:39:00.000-08:002010-02-07T20:02:11.342-08:00

I have started and erased this post three times now. I'm unable to convey everything I'm feeling now. Earlier today I had a moment when I thought, I can't wait to get on that plane so I can get a little rest. Unofficial birthday celebrations for Erik and Ava have gone well. We have been blessed with an amazing amount of support and love coming our way. It is humbling.I'm hyper-aware of our

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-83309892345949280572010-02-06T21:37:00.000-08:002010-02-06T21:56:17.930-08:00

I may have entered the realm of diminishing returns today. I would walk to my lists, look at them for awhile, decide I was too tired to have to think much, move on to something physical because that seemed easier somehow, decide it wasn't, go back to something that required mental effort and realize I was fooling myself.Erik returned mid-afternoon from a guys, pre-birthday 24 hours that involved

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-13686856876044893232010-02-05T10:20:00.000-08:002010-02-05T11:27:12.062-08:00

Just for a second. I have not been wanting to mention that Erik and I are fighting back simultaneous colds for fear that writing it down would tempt the pre-travel gods. Especially since we both seemed to have escaped the stomach virus. But it is time to face facts. I also haven't mentioned that Erik is currently closing a deal and is working every bit as hard as I am. We are run down in body and

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-44682196676299043672010-02-04T14:11:00.000-08:002010-02-05T06:13:01.446-08:00

I finished writing this post around 5:30 yesterday and forgot to post it. I'm a little tired. So today I give you countdown days six AND five.My girls go to an alternative school that doesn't hold classes on Thursdays and Fridays. So my mother-in-law comes on Thursday mornings for a few hours. And when she came this morning, I headed out the door with my many lists in hand, a woman on fire.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-48382291710996781682010-02-03T14:15:00.000-08:002010-02-03T14:45:48.831-08:00

So far so good on the vomiting front. My bravado diminished a little when it came time to eat last night, and I went for half the burger and about two-thirds of the shake. I was certain I was going down around 9:30, but nothing happened. It could have been how creepy Lost was. Or maybe I was having a panic attack.Ava was well enough to go back school. Safa and I got more birthday crap and dropped

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-26696402744198820712010-02-02T17:37:00.000-08:002010-02-03T18:34:08.864-08:00

Countdown to Ethiopia Day Eight began at 3:16am. Safa began crying loudly. Not a whimpering cry, but the kind that makes you jump out of your skin and begin running before you even realize your awake. She said, "I'm hungry because I didn't eat dinner!" in a sort of accusatory way. Like I just decided not to give her dinner on a whim. So I made her toast, brought her water, sat on the floor beside

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-9821826861015608582010-02-01T11:03:00.000-08:002010-02-01T15:51:32.208-08:00

My eye twitch is back. It's been with me only sporadically during the adoption process and not since the summer. Heretofore reserved for the dissolution of my first marriage, finals, and newborn babies, the twitch is thankfully small and barely noticeable unless I point it out to people.I've eaten half of the chocolate I bought to take to Ethiopia.I went to Saver's and bought a giant used duffel

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-28573176686050267632010-01-31T05:37:00.000-08:002010-01-31T06:52:10.409-08:00

My grandfather died on Sunday January 24th, on his 94th birthday. I spent most of last week in West Virginia. I will write about it some time, but not now. Now I'm back home and we leave in ten days. I will meet and touch Yonas in 12. Can that be right? Can it be that this journey to him is almost over? It doesn't seem possible.It is 7:41 in the morning. I have printed off the registration form

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-78696041406881214592010-01-17T15:04:00.000-08:002010-01-18T05:46:16.772-08:00

This short mantra is the best and perhaps most succinct way I know to describe what mindful parenting looks like:With each step I take,My child's heart beats.Mindfulness is a non-judgemental awareness of each moment. Not what happened an hour ago. Not where you need to be or what you want to get done. When we extend mindfulness to parenting, we aim to see our children and ourselves more clearly

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-12558614271146637782010-01-15T11:34:00.001-08:002010-01-15T12:20:39.846-08:00

No more "tentative" are we. We will meet Yonas in 27 days.We leave on February 10th to go get him. The day Ava turns 8. Two days after Erik turns 40. We return on February 19th. Five days later, Safa will turn 4. For a long time, February has been a month of celebration. It has been, in many ways, a pain in the ass. (Love you Erik, Ava, and Safa!!) Six weeks after Christmas here come the

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-48909166656137487782010-01-13T17:45:00.000-08:002010-01-14T05:13:49.395-08:00

Last week in Ava's second grade class, they did a project where the kids had to make an acrostic with their names. She hadn't mentioned it and as I walking Eden to class, I saw them hung along the hallway. I looked for Ava's and found it:A- adopting a brother from EthiopiaV- vegetarianA- awesomeI could have fallen to my knees. We have planned to adopt for so long, she's been hearing about it

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-74538593044609809362010-01-12T13:30:00.001-08:002010-01-12T13:40:35.341-08:00

It's become painfully clear that traveling on the 27th would have been a disaster. First of all, I'm quite certain we are going to have a stomach virus that day and you can't possibly fly while you're busy vomiting. And I now can see that for some insane reason Erik and I would have spent the longest leg of our journey seated apart, but both next to people who snore and wear too much perfume.And

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-61998574875888410092010-01-11T19:41:00.000-08:002010-01-11T20:19:25.893-08:00

She picked me up. We drank aquamarine fishbowl margaritas and shared a fried avocado and queso. We talked. Some of it was dirty, most of it wasn't. We sped to Marshall's after, because that's where we go. We had an hour.We looked at shoes, "I need boots.".We looked at bras and panties, "Seriously?"We split up. We lost and found each other. I called her in the store because that's what we do.We

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-37363190456366726372010-01-11T11:03:00.000-08:002010-01-11T14:34:24.872-08:00

It didn't work. Even though the NVC electronically forwarded our paperwork onto Ethiopia on Friday, when our agency checked, we were not in the system. So our tentative travel date is now February 11th again. We thought for sure we'd make it. As Erik said, we needed a win.Yesterday evening, another traveling mama that promised to check on Yonas for us emailed me. She said he was sweet. That when

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-189288515824477382010-01-07T15:00:00.000-08:002010-01-07T15:17:27.774-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-77621071382076252822010-01-06T09:24:00.000-08:002010-01-06T13:04:39.923-08:00

In order for our tentative travel date to become a confirmed one, our paperwork needs to be received in Ethiopia by Sunday night. Which really means that the National Visa Center in Vermont needs to have mercy on us and send it electronically to Ethiopia by the end of day Friday. Our agency will email Ethiopia Sunday night and ask if they have received it.Yesterday I was very close to writing an

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-51648571660977676312010-01-04T17:48:00.000-08:002010-01-04T18:12:50.472-08:00

My grandfather is dying. My Papaw. I'm sitting at my computer in some sort of depressed trance, repeatedly listening to the self-pitying "Wouldn't It Be Good?" by Nik Kershaw and mindlessly looking at giant area rugs on ebay without seeing them at all.When I was a little girl, he would rub my back with his rough hands, calloused and dry from years of gardening and not sitting still. Before we

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-18833435043062693402010-01-01T08:33:00.000-08:002010-01-01T08:55:58.390-08:00

In 2010, I will celebrate 11 years of marriage to Erik.I will travel to Ethiopia with him and bring home our son.In 2010, my grandmother will not only fight the aggressive lobular breast cancer she was diagnosed with just two weeks ago, she will kick its ass, because if anyone can, it's her.In 2010, my grandfather will either come out of the hospital to continue a life built on hard work,

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-75303227969706106392009-12-28T10:49:00.000-08:002009-12-28T10:58:47.883-08:00

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-12237738017437530342009-12-23T07:40:00.001-08:002009-12-23T07:45:26.651-08:00

We now have a new tentative travel date for January 27th. It's only a two week difference from February 11th, but it feels much more reasonable somehow.The Great Eastern Sun is rising.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-40302385428043000882009-12-21T11:19:00.000-08:002010-04-08T18:00:04.132-07:00

sam sa ra Sanskrit word meaning going or wandering through, undergoing transformation. In Buddhism, the pain and suffering of life and the journey of living it."Hold the sadness and pain of samsara in your heart and at the same time the power and vision of the Great Eastern Sun. Then the warrior can make a proper cup of tea."~Chogyam Trungpa

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-35850674493227096752009-12-19T06:13:00.000-08:002009-12-19T09:35:19.991-08:00

On Friday we were given a tentative travel date of February 11th. At the earliest.After Erik and I picked our hearts up off the dirty ground, dusted them off, and put them back inside, we realized this is 7 weeks before the year anniversary of when we were matched with Yonas. A year.The holidays both here in the States and in Ethiopia are causing added delay. January 7th is Genna, Ethiopian

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-20824095350048553582009-12-16T16:19:00.000-08:002009-12-16T16:21:43.020-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-76591153529747829652009-12-15T04:40:00.000-08:002009-12-15T04:52:58.391-08:00

A few weeks ago, Ava decided she would write a poem. 15 minutes later, she came back with this:FlowersIn all sorts of shapes,with their beautiful capes,and all the colors there are,the sage and the roseand all that growsthe flowersthe colors the shapesNice, no? On Sunday I was helping her type up a Tall Tale she'd written at school for part of her homework. I'd asked her to read it to me, while I

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-9040553844740135002009-12-13T18:50:00.000-08:002009-12-14T07:07:17.548-08:00

I began a post Thursday morning to tell you that Erik was meeting with someone from our congressman's office at the urging of our specialist to try to help speed up the processing of our adoption case. I didn't finish that post. Later that afternoon we received a letter from USCIS, which is the governmental agency that processes international adoptions. It said our update was incomplete. The one

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-42249268223224323322009-12-09T09:36:00.000-08:002009-12-09T09:38:58.341-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-80071299940726850252009-12-07T10:38:00.000-08:002009-12-07T11:11:03.830-08:00

It is my intention to keep Mindful Monday posts short and leave space for people to get something out of them without mucking things up with too much of my own interpretation or laying my baggage down on whatever the gist of the post is. Today I'm going to depart from that plan a bit and talk about my weekend.A while back Erik and I negotiated a weekend-off trade. A last hurrah before bring Yonas

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-15521753036099548462009-12-02T14:42:00.000-08:002009-12-02T15:19:39.461-08:00

I got the kid Christmas tree down from the attic today. It's about 3 feet tall, fake, and really bent up. It started out as a tree for Ava when she was a toddler. It was great for those years when the babies were grabby and pulling the ornaments off. All non-breakable ornaments, nothing too special, but really sweet, and the girls decorate all by themselves.Safa picked up a sweet, wooden

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-40788200711708030122009-12-01T11:06:00.000-08:002010-04-15T07:49:28.945-07:00

This is from AHOPE for Children:"Today on World AIDS Day, please join campaign FIFTEEN: 15 days to find 15 sponsors for 15 orphans with HIV in Ethiopia.Beginning on World AIDS Day, non-profit AHOPE for Children urges Americans to support some of the world's most vulnerable AIDS victims – the children that have lost their parents because of AIDS, and then were found HIV+ themselves. There are

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-2571736970215963412009-11-30T14:11:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.336-08:00

I feel like I said my piece to NaBloPoMo yesterday. Today I found out about NaNoWriMo. National Novel Writing Month. That's right. Write a NOVEL in 30 days. Maybe next year...And I might need to be prepared to spend Christmas on my own.One benefit of NaBloPoMo is that it got me wondering just how close to everyday I could post, and how I might structure postings.From now on Mondays will be "

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-34107527351548714392009-11-29T14:07:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.336-08:00

Dear NaBloPoMo,The past 29 days have been really nice. Some of them have been great really. I felt inspired and motivated in ways I haven't in a long time. You have pushed and encouraged me. But the past few days I have felt a distance growing between us. Lately you have been needy. Too dependent. A little wearing. I sense the inevitable end of our relationship will be a necessary step in my

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-43744238776239172372009-11-28T15:25:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.337-08:00

Okay, so we do need trees. And we do happen to have several very large and beautiful trees that surround our house but are not technically ours. The trees we do have are too little to hold a swing. So we put some up in the house. Since the picture was taken we upped the safety factor by putting just one in the center.Swinging is important. I was planning on giving you some solid information on

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-65336917972285166872009-11-27T16:04:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.337-08:00

Immediately after I hit "publish" to post yesterday, I went to the couch and told Erik I didn't feel well. I'd hoped it was Thanksgiving overindulgence, feared it was the stomach bug that had hit Erik and Safa early in the week. Quickly I realized it was the later. I'm very weak right now, hunched over typing these words, but I'll be damned if I fail NaBloPoMo so close to finishing.Last night

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-68111891732495815162009-11-26T17:53:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.337-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-44325569833164508562009-11-25T11:02:00.000-08:002009-11-30T14:47:42.338-08:00

The Rules: 1. Thank and link the person who awarded you. My cyber-acquaintance Rebekah awarded me. Thanks for that Rebekah! Rebekah is smart. Funny. Is raising two sons while she waits to be matched with a daughter. She's a Runner. (Capital "R"). AND I learned just this morning that Rebekah has a dirty mouth. What's not to like? I hope to get to know her better in time. I don't have a beach in my

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-27216136104294327642009-11-24T15:55:00.000-08:002009-11-25T13:13:46.227-08:00

I'm feeling a little ungrounded lately. In the time before each child has joined us, I have felt a bittersweet poignancy for what we were losing, what we would gain. That giant shift in family dynamics, energy, focus; it stirs things up. We are moving from what we are, to what we will become.The beauty and simplicity of three daughters is not lost on me. Together, they are "the girls". I only

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-30718610845820268022009-11-23T14:48:00.000-08:002009-11-24T11:59:56.262-08:00

Oh, generous spirit of NaBloPoMo, be lenient with me today as I offer up this measly post. For today has been one spent caring for a sick child and an even sicker husband (who although feels like shit, still looks gorgeous. I mean seriously. When I'm sick, I at least have the decency to look sick. Sheesh.) It has involved endless loads of towels, cleaning up vomit (sometimes out of carpet), and

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-22327107275705351152009-11-22T15:19:00.000-08:002009-11-24T11:59:56.263-08:00

We had Vietnamese take-out tonight for dinner. After we finished, we had fortune cookies. Eden's read, "Something wonderful is about to happy." It's true. Something wonderful IS about to happy.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-32812844413652401122009-11-21T16:16:00.000-08:002009-11-24T11:59:56.263-08:00

I love being a mother. I think I'm good at it. I love all the things it brings to me now, all it will bring later. And I'll tell you now, my willingness to raise children would be limited only by silly resources like money and physical health. I would keep adding children to our family by adoption until I fell over. And yet.And yet, there's this other thing. This idea of paths not taken. The

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-38791327375977018902009-11-20T13:53:00.001-08:002009-11-20T18:04:25.107-08:00

This is going to be a boring explanation-type post with no creativity whatsoever. Excited?Because our process has taken so long, our federal fingerprints expired, and we were re-fingerprinted back in June. For some reason that is beyond me, the other part, the part that involves things like the Department of Homeland Security, United States Citizens and Immigration Services, and forms called, I-

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-78934265674370548782009-11-19T12:53:00.000-08:002009-11-20T18:04:25.107-08:00

Taking a break from the Social Worker Scramble. You know, the frenzied, half-crazed push to make your house presentable for the person that helps decide if you are clean enough, sane enough, smart enough, to adopt a child. Nothing like a visit to shine a light on the dirtiest, ugliest, and most dangerous spots in my house...Have my carpets always been THIS dirty?Do we really keep THAT much booze

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-82602734663721668202009-11-18T16:34:00.000-08:002010-04-14T19:37:25.259-07:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-56009579766042259542009-11-17T18:00:00.000-08:002009-11-20T18:04:25.108-08:00

Remember that 21-day cleanse I was doing?On day 18, I broke it. With a big, fat whisky and coke.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-27941928563378242792009-11-16T16:28:00.000-08:002009-11-16T19:14:26.130-08:00

It is with some regularity that I find myself with other women I like and talk turns to self-care. Self-care comes in many guises. Each of us needs a cocktail of practices to support our soul and fill our psychic well. I posted very recently about my struggles to create space in my life for that necessary nurturing of my soul. Committing to NaBloPoMo has been good for me. Really good. So good

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-42297638041493043402009-11-15T11:42:00.000-08:002009-11-20T18:04:25.108-08:00

We went to Port Aransas in September. It was a much better trip than this one two years ago. But not nearly as funny to blog about. I can't wait for Uncle Yonas to be with us next time we go.

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-46437776865681990642009-11-14T08:16:00.000-08:002009-11-14T15:46:19.280-08:00

Safa was in the bath, Ava and Eden at school."Mama? Sometimes I like it when Ava and Eden aren't in the house.""Oh, is that right? Why is that?""Because sometimes they do crazy things in the living room.""Well, that's true.""Yeah. That's why I don't like them in the house."

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-47505036337406610652009-11-13T13:45:00.000-08:002009-11-13T15:55:01.049-08:00

Something gross happened last Sunday night. Something really gross. I took pictures, but I'm not sure they are appropriate to share in this format. (But if I get enough requests, I might be swayed.) I noticed last week that the sink in the bathroom the girls use was draining slowly.After brushing their teeth, Ava and Eden came running to me and said, "Mama! Come into the bathroom! We need to show

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-80906876648395771432009-11-12T11:26:00.000-08:002009-11-12T18:12:31.051-08:00

We found out earlier in the week that Yonas has now been moved from the Bethel Orphange in Nazret to our agency's care center. And although it was a necessary step, I hate that he has left the place that he has known for so long. All new nannies, new bed, new food, new toys, new smells. The good news is that the other children being adopted from Nazret all moved at the same time, so he will have

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-78496671971913531152009-11-11T19:54:00.000-08:002009-11-14T15:46:19.281-08:00

So I lied yesterday. I need one more day. If you come back tomorrow, I have an awesome story about living with children that I promise you is unlike any other you've heard.Kelsey, me, Brad, and Sam. This picture is from a trip to Six Flags. We'd stayed in some crap motel (pictured behind us) and were walking over to the crap diner across the parking lot for breakfast. This is hands down one of

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-80812919697165816682009-11-10T19:42:00.000-08:002009-11-10T20:20:53.407-08:00

(If I hadn't committed to NaBloPoMo I wouldn't be posting today. I don't want to bump the post about Brad, and I can't figure out how to embed the music in the post so I will have to delete the music tomorrow. )My grief regarding Brad's death is multi-layered and I think it is in large measure because it is impossible not to experience this loss through the lens of motherhood. People grow up and

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-6489765620967678902009-11-09T13:16:00.001-08:002009-11-14T15:46:19.281-08:00

Last night I learned that a boy I once knew died. Four and half years ago. His birthday was the 7th.There was an art class, laughter, The Cure, an Isuzu Impulse, a Six Flags trip, silliness, and the kind of beauty only found in youth. I have spent the day remembering him, listening to 80's music, watching my girls dance to David Bowie and The Clash, playing heartbroken hide-and-seek with Safa,

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-81559029165437254622009-11-08T11:58:00.000-08:002009-11-09T11:27:18.320-08:00

Yesterday we went on our first ever family of five camping trip. It was a school-wide trip so we were there with lots of families we love. The afternoon was fun and included paddle boating and rambling. It reminded me how far we've come from the village. Having multiple other eyes on your kids, taking a hike with kids that aren't yours, having five adults ask if you're OK when you fall down and

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-47781415669957944442009-11-07T04:56:00.000-08:002009-11-14T15:46:19.281-08:00

80% of all disease in Ethiopia is due to dirty water and poor sanitation.At any given time, more than half of the country's population of 80 million people is suffering from water-related disease.More than 250,000 children under the age of five die each year due to diarrhea.In an era of unprecedented global wealth, four out of every five people on the planet do not have access to running

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-76843395163690003742009-11-06T07:00:00.000-08:002009-11-14T15:46:19.281-08:00

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27340682.post-54707704621230489502009-11-04T12:01:00.000-08:002009-11-05T05:31:45.030-08:00

I have been wearing this necklace since shortly after we were matched with Yonas. That was seven months ago. I've taken it off once. I decided I would wear it until we brought him home. That I would wear it while I missed him, while I worried, while I prepared for him. That I would wear it in on the plane to Ethiopia and when we met him for the first time. I had no idea I was committing to

Ashleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13803736835213121021noreply@blogger.com2