Thursday, May 27, 2010

Making It

I can now state with much gratitude and humility that we have moved from Faking It to making it. I'm not sure one is ever "made" when it comes to parenting. It's a lot like a marriage that way, you never stop working if you want it to work. And I would be remiss if I didn't state that I still have days when I struggle to open my heart the way I wish I could. But that isn't about Yonas. I have that experience with all of my children. But we are making it.

If you were one of the many that left a comment on that Faking It post, whether to say, yes I felt that too or hang in there, it will get better, I thank you from the very depths of my soul. Those comments carried me through some very dark times. I held on knowing that so many had gone before me and come out the other side. If you are in the thick of it now, or still, know you are not alone. Things will get better.

Yonas is doing spectacularly well. His language has exploded. He is deeply in love with each of his sisters. He likes skin and carbs and water. He is quick-tempered and squirrely. Funny and brave. He weighs a mere 3 pounds less than Safa. I look at him sometimes, my heart heavy with love and think of the strange magic that brought him our way. And other times I look at him and think of his first family, all they lost, and all I can think of is the strange hell that brought him our way.

I hold my warm-skinned water drinker in my lap while I type these words. He sucks his thumb and hums, moves his body deeper into my flesh, wiggles his newly-painted sister-pink toenails. He leans back and looks up at me, his eyes now more answer than question.

8 comments:

Corinne said...

warms my cockles to hear this...it is such a momentous journey.

Shannon- said...

I'm crying. I miss his beautiful face. You are a beautiful woman and mother for posting publically all that you have shared!

Amy said...

I really appreciate your honesty. I'm so glad things continue to improve.

sarahunderhill said...

love that - his eyes more answer than question - love that. we'll be doing this soon, and i've enjoyed reading your honesty - thanks for putting yourself out there. and isn't that true with all our kids. i've been faking it with my two year old through his tantrums and potty training a lot lately. my mantra has been he's a blessing not a burden, he's a blessing not a burden, he's a blessing not a burden... :) i know the adoption adds a whole nother set of issues too, but i'm so glad you're finding your normal. thanks again.

konjochild said...

Now that's a welcome update.

jen d'andrea said...

hi ashley -- i've been following your blog for awhile but have never posted a comment. i just wanted to say...that ever since i read your "faking it" post...i KNEW you would all be okay. i knew it. i really did! it doesn't matter that we don't know each other. i knew in time, some unknown period of time, it would all be okay. i'm so glad you've hit that point and that it has come so soon (even though i know it doesn't feel that soon). so happy for you and your fam.

habeshachild said...

so so happy. and relieved. and yeah, we all knew it would happen and you would get there, but such a lovely thing to read that the "making it" part has arrived.

thanks for the update.

faith said...

Hi! I found you via The Lost Planet. Your words ring true for the experienced parent as well as for the newbie. All that we can do is do our best. Thanks for sharing your experiences so candidly....it helps to know we are all in this together.