Thursday, August 06, 2009

But I Miss Him

We found out on Tuesday afternoon that we will not make it through Ethiopian court before closure. This means that our court date will be sometime in mid-October (hopefully). This means that we will not hold our boy until December (hopefully). He will be 19 months old in December.

I do not presume to know the workings of the universe. I do not presume to question the intelligence of the way our lives unfold. I implicitly trust that these delays have a deeper meaning for any one or all of us that are on this path of getting Yonas home. But I miss him.

Maybe Yonas needs more time in Ethiopia. Needs more time to absorb in his cells the beautiful country of his birth. When we finally pass court, Yonas will move from the place he's called home for almost his whole life, to an agency run care center. Sometimes nannies will go with the children, but in Yonas' case this is unlikely. Maybe he needs more time at Bethel orphanage to be with the nannies that have loved him from babyhood into toddlerhood. I even thought maybe his nanny needs him for a bit longer.

Maybe Safa needs more time with me before adding a brother to the mix. Maybe Erik and I need a bit more time before we begin this next journey that will undoubtedly be challenging, this journey to help a toddler heal his heart and trust that we are his final stop.

And finally, and maybe most importantly, it will bring us to number five, or as Erik and I call him/her--Five. This delay will bring us to the next child that is meant for our family in the same way that everything unfolded to bring us to Yonas.

I believe and trust and surrender. But I miss him.


Kelsey said...

Oh Ashley, I am so sorry for the delay. It is wonderful you have such insight to the greater picture. I know the waiting is painful for you. Hang in there.

rebekah said...

This is a beautiful post, as always.

I needed it. I needed your perspective.

I was just starting to slip into self centerdness, wondering why we haven't had our referral call yet, which is nothing like waiting for a court date much less travel date. Nonetheless, slipping I was.

Bridget said...

I love, love, love Anne Lamott. feel her passion. How amazing!

This was a powerful, post, BTW.


Amy said...

I have said this sooo many times during our wait and we don't even have a referral yet. I miss him or her so much and I don't even know what they look like.

I hope you have your son home soon.