Is it just me or is Safa a little.....needy lately? The girl is struggling right now. She is a regressing, clingy, angry, hitting, whiny mess. She's in disequilibrium---she's feeling left out of Ava and Eden's current love affair with each other, she's too little to keep up, understand the jokes, and do the things they do sometimes. She wants to be big. AND she has a sense that Yonas will usurp her position as baby, will read her old books, play with her old toys, and (GASP!), even wear her old pyjamas!! It's just too much. She wants to be big and little. Bigger and Littler. And it's making her miserable. And also some of us who are around her all day.
Experience has shown me time and time again that whenever kids are really going through something, they are about to make some kind of leap. Cognitively, emotionally, etc. It's like they back up to get a running start to leap over whatever is coming next.
We humans are tricky aren't we? It's precisely those times when we are the most unlovable, that we need the most love. I keep trying to remind myself of that. Those times in my life when people have forgiven me my ugliness, or looked past my unlovable behavior to the person they know I am.
So today I held Safa like a baby. I "found" her, wrapped her up in a blanket, called her "Tiny Baby", carried her in a sling for too long, rocked her, and let her be my baby.
And my heart broke even though I was gritting my teeth some of the time. Because I totally understand. I want her to be Bigger and Littler too.
A Sacred Space
6 days ago